My Trigger: Time of Year

I've been trying to ignore my feelings for the past three days. Trying to push them aside...I don't think I can do it anymore.

Last night I woke up more than normal and my heart was beating quickly each time.

6/8/12 the day we said goodbye to Stella is coming up. So that means about right now was our anatomy scan, and then the level two u/s to confirm the awfulness. 

The day we had the level two was our end of the year teacher party. Well that party is tomorrow, Tuesday. I already have a Barre class scheduled so I won't stay too long. I feel this party is something I will never enjoy. 

It's the beginning of summer, it's suppose to be a happy time. But with thoughts like this, it's not.

What can I do? Call therapy, I'll try but I bet she can't see me this week. Use a gift card for a massage...I'll set that up today. Go to yoga? I was bummed when my class was cancelled yesterday.

I just feel sad. I'm scared too. I can feel Jenna moving right now, so I know she's still in there. I hadn't felt her much since Thursday. I also thought about asking for a doctor's appointment, even if it's just to hear the heartbeat. But will that help? That's just one minute of one day, not the next day.

We have 14 weeks left...I'm hoping after this next ultrasound or after 6/8, I'll be back to normal like I have been, it hasn't been scary or sad most days.

Update: just a few minutes later, got out of bed...already feel better. Fingers crossed this continues. 💛