The Worst Day of My Whole Life

We went to the genetic counselor today for the really detailed ultrasound, since yesterday's 20 week u/s had some abnormalities. After the u/s we saw the genetic counselor. Everything she said was just awful, Stella has spina bifida with many complications. The list I have of things wrong with Stella and the problems she would have at birth compounded on each other are very bad. So it looks like we will be saying goodbye to our rainbow baby next week.

I am just so sad. Will is also, but he is really angry too. I'm sure that will come next for me. I keep thinking what am I gonna do with my time? How will I spend my summer? How come I didn't protect my students and now they all will know this information? I will return in August with no belly and no baby. I currently have a belly, what is my response when people ask about it? I can't go to my sewing class, and finish my baby dress and have to explain things....Why did I have to find this out so far along? It's like I jinxed it, I bought my first baby item just 5 days ago. I have gotten so many nice presents this week, what the hell does that thank you note say? What do I do with the presents? How do I tell people? Will they judge me?

My head hurts so bad...I just want to vomit.

Scary Ultrasound

We had our 20 week ultrasound today. While I was relieved her heart was beating and she was still a girl, we ended up with potential bad news. If I sound non-nonchalant or just blunt, I don't mean to, I think it's how I deal with things.

We were told Stella's head is measuring small, they couldn't see her tailbone, and something (I don't remember) was missing or couldn't be seen leading to the heart even though we did see four chambers in the heart. All these things together COULD mean a neural tube defect, specifically spina bifida.

I went ahead with the 2nd level of NT scan (blood) testing. Then we were told that a specialty office at MUSC will be calling to schedule an appointment based on severeness, could be tomorrow/this week/next week. Since I am finished with students, I said anytime and any day. Well I just walked in the door and they called. I have an appointment tomorrow, Thursday at 2pm.

At that time I will have a higher quality ultrasound and the special doctor will be in the room with us and give us the outcome right then. BLECK, what do I do with myself until 2pm tomorrow...
Here are some new u/s pictures from today when we were still in bliss about how easy pregnancy has been so far. Hopefully at this time tomorrow, all this will just have been a little speed bump in the road.  

Rory's Party

 

18 Weeks

Have I grown? I can't tell, but I did get two really cute maternity dresses from two mom's in my class last week. So I'm not hiding it, I'm probably sticking it out.

Today is Mother's Day, and I am 18 weeks pregnant. I have 154 more days to go! We have decided upon the name Stella, at least we think...and this week she is the size of a sweet potato. It is so odd saying she, and not it. I also have noticed this whole baby thing is like the wedding was...my wedding, my day, my plan, my idea...um, our/ours/we need to come back to my vocabulary, it's not just MY daughter :-)

I still feel really good. I sleep a lot on the weekend, but during the week somehow I am good to go. This past weekend I went to Columbia for Rory's Party and got to shop all day with my mom on Saturday. It was way fun. Before we left Will said, "I see a lot of pink in my future."

Gender Reveal at School

As soon as my cohorts knew I was going to have the early ultrasound, they turned to the powers of pintrest and found this uber cute idea. We invited teachers to come guess mustache or pink lips!

 This is the picture where I realized I have a bump...until then I thought I looked normal!

 The girls made two charts, as you see it slightly varies.

Wanna take a guess? Girl or Boy?

I couldn't stand it, I went to Summerville and got an elective ultrasound. I am currently 17 weeks and 4 days. There is a place that will take you from 15 weeks on and tell you the gender. So I called on Saturday and got this appointment for Tuesday at 5:15. Neither of our mamas know, and it's so hard avoiding talking to them.

My friend Yassi went with me since Will was working. The tech put the gender picture in an envelope, so I couldn't see it. Yassi put it in the side pocket of the passenger seat, I left it there until Will got it home at 7:30pm.

We opened it and found out It's A Girl!
Well I think...I questioned the ultrasound, and didn't get excited because I doubted it. This picture reads "Looks like girl parts" --what the heck? that's not exact, I need a definite answer. So I proceeded to Kim, not that she's ever seen her own girl ultrasound, but whatever she seems to be the expert. She said yes, it's a girl. So I proceeded to tell everyone else, now I make this sound like it was drawn out this all happened in about 4 minutes.

Still all night I was in shock. The whole time I've been picturing boy, and Will had boy dreams. Jack, I just love that name. All afternoon I was visioning being the only girl in our household and getting to be the princess forever, opps...not so much now! :-)

"Belly" Pictures

So about three weeks ago I started (but quickly forgot to continue) getting Will to take pictures of my belly.

Here is my model while I figure out the lighting :-)

 At 13 weeks:                                                                          

At 16 weeks: Um, so this isn't as exciting as I wanted it to be, but I am covering more of that door!

                         

Size of Baby/ This week's fruit: We are 16 weeks, holy cow that is 4 months! Baby Kuenzel is the size of an avocado!

Cravings: Still nothing, but I have found myself wanting hot dogs more frequently. I also bought Doritoes for the first time in forever...

What I love now: Wearing the belly bands that Kim sent me. It is great not having to zip or button my tight jeans or skirts!

Symptoms: TMI warning Still not much, I nap frequently on the weekends. I don't really go #2 which is a bit concerning. 

Highlight of the week: I visited Kim this past weekend she helped me register for the necessities. It was a lot of fun zapping that gun. I also brought home a ton of maternity clothes that she let me borrow.

12 Weeks NT Scan

The baby looks so long, but really it's only 2 inches! It's the size of a plum this week. However, it was great appointment. I am looking forward to the good news of everything is fine next week, and they I can tell my students! The ultrasound tech saw a nasal bone which is a good sign, and the fluid behind the neck measured 1.3mm when the key number there is less than 3mm, so that's great! The heartbeat was 154 this time.

She took a lot of pictures, so some of you may be looking at these thinking, what is that??...I have to agree! This first one is really obscure, it's feet, but really I just wanted her to check to see if she could tell what was between the legs! She didn't...I wonder if I'm going to end up in Summerville getting an extra u/s before going to Kim's in a few weeks...



That's a head and profile if you can't tell!
I still feel pretty good. I'm not exercising like Will would prefer, but I started a class that I've enjoyed in the past last Tuesday. I ride my bike around the neighborhood, maybe twice a week, but for literally 10 minutes. :-/

I have been to look at hell, I mean daycare. It looks like I get to pick the one that sucks the least. My favorite doesn't open until 7:45am, so that doesn't really work. I am so critical especially if they show me the rest of their program...I really don't need to see a 4 year old room promise, I will criticize it like crazy in my mind and strike them off the list.

Tomorrow I will be 13 weeks, so that means 2nd trimester! The baby will be the size of a peach. When we get good results next week, I will make cupcakes with a little help from my friend Yassi and give them to the girls with baby bottle sweet tarts inside as a surprise.

11 week ultrasound

March 28th, Baby Kuenzel is now the size of a lime! Today's ultrasound was very cool, it finally looks like a baby! In the first picture, check out that arm! Today it's heartbeat was 164. This was our first external ultrasound, they found all this from the outside of my belly, wow. When the nurse was pushing on the outside with the ultrasound wand, the baby was kicking back furiously. It was moving all around like crazy, arms going and legs!

We planned on having the NT Scan today, to look for awful things like Trisomy 21, 13, and down syndrome. Ends up I am measuring (and have been-unknown to me) 1 or 2 days behind. So it was too early, oh darn I get to go back next week and see this all over again :-)

Today was the first time we also heard the heartbeat with the ultrasound machine. Next time we may be able to hear it with the doppler.

We are still due Oct 14th.

As far as I go...I feel great. I do take naps, but thankfully have been lucky and had no nausea or sickness! Also I don't have migraines either, which is completely awesome. How is Will? He is good, he didn't say much today except that he would not be cutting the umbilical cord, he said he'd pass out...in the past weeks he has been worried about being a good dad. I'm sure he'll be great, especially since he's worried.

Baby Brain

They say all the blood is rushing to your belly, so you get baby brain AKA forgetful and dumb.

Last night I did...I went to Boulevard Diner before my babysitting job.

They were hanging the specials menu. They were all written in black, and then some random numbers were in red to the left hand side.

After looking at it for a while, I couldn't figure out what those numbers were. So I asked the waitress, "What do those numbers mean?" and it gets worse, I could have waited for her answer, but no I said, "like how many portions you have left?" my thought they get up on that board and erase as they sell them...really?

She said, "um they are prices"

Holy cow, I felt like such an idiot.